Private Mediation and Conflict Coaching
Most people assume conflict is bad, but in our work, we will together realize that conflict is neither good nor bad, and can sometimes lead to beneficial outcomes. Sometimes conflict is unavoidable, but we always have a choice as to how we respond and engage in the conversation. The idea of conflict as an engine for change is one that interests me. We know that friction in a machine leads to a kind of energy. Similarly, friction in our life does not necessarily have to lead to a negative outcome; maybe friction can lead to something positive.
The important question to consider when there is a dispute is: Can we reframe our conflicts as mutual problems to be resolved, that integrate both the desires and interests of different parties? Creative and practical solutions are possible and we will work to achieve them.
Mary Parker Follett, a pioneer in the field of organizational behavior, outlines a scenario in which she is sitting in a library comfortably, and an elderly person wants to open the window near where she is seated. Follett does not want to open the window. Most people might agree that alternating between opening and shutting the window would be a good outcome to the disagreement. But this outcome leaves both sides equally unhappy part of the time. Follett writes:
“We opened the window in the next room, where no one was sitting. This was not a compromise because there was no curtailing of desire; we both got what we really wanted. For I did not want a closed room, I simply did not want the north wind to blow directly on me; likewise the older occupant did not want that particular window open, he merely wanted more air in the room."
This is, of course, a simplistic example, but Follett’s emphasis on integrating new ideas into problem solving is an important part of my approach to conflict.